How To End Conflict With One Simple Shift One of the most frequent questions we are asked is how can I deal with conflict? How can I be more socially intelligent and navigate the conflicts that come up in relationships?
We’ve all been involved in and created conflict. We waste a lot of time and energy in conflict. And we know that conflict is a creativity and productivity killer. We all know this. We are stating the obvious. And even though we know this, we continue to mire ourselves in conflict, especially in the workplace.
Instead of conflict, here is what is possible:
- To transform workplace conflict into creative fuel for new innovative products and services that make you stand out in the marketplace.
- To harness the energy of your organization to create exponential, rapid results that profoundly impact the bottom line.
- To easily incorporate interpersonal skills at all levels to create a culture of connection and collaboration.
Before you continue reading, take a breath and ask yourself “Am I ready and willing to end conflict, with one simple shift? If the answer is yes, keep reading.
Navigating conflict requires a shift in context of our thinking and action, a shift to Presence and connection. When we are present, our primary goal is to stay connected to ourselves and others. Once shifted, curiosity and creativity can replace being defensive and deadlocked.
That’s right – to shift from conflict is to notice that you are keeping the conflict going and consciously choose to drop your current agenda and make your primary goal to be connected to yourself and to others.
THIS IS A SIMPLE BUT HUGE CONTEXT SHIFT FOR PEOPLE!! We often hear “but I KNOW I am right” or “we have to do it this way or our team won’t get results and look good” or “if we don’t do it this way then my performance review will suffer”. Some of these points may actually be true but if we can’t get along with others these points become irrelevant. NO ONE is succeeding and situations are deadlocked with no forward progress. We are wasting time, energy and productivity.
Business brings us together in relationship therefore we have to drop our agenda and make our primary goal to be connected to others and create a “win for all” situation.
Again, this is a HUGE shift in context. It may seem that you will never get what you want. This is a myth. In our years of experience we have found that by staying connected with others, we accomplish way more than we imagined, AND have a lot more fun along the way.
Here are your shift moves:
Breathe and move. Frozen and contracted postures invite patterns and conflict. Stand up, move around, and take some deep breaths. Invite others to do the same.
Get curious. You can ask “I wonder how I am keeping this conflict going”. By asking this question you invite everyone in the room to consider their part.
Choose connection with the other person or persons and say “I notice we are in conflict, the most important thing to me is that we stay connected. How can I connect here?”
Constantly learning. Ask yourself “What’s here for me to learn about myself in this conflict”
Tap into your emotions for wisdom. Our emotions are a huge source of wisdom for us and to deny this wisdom is to contract and become tense – an invitation to conflict. Let your emotions flow and invite others to let their emotions flow. Ask “how can my feelings inform me right now?”
Create a win for all situation. Lead the moment by asking, “how can we all get what we want or prioritize for what is in the best interest of our clients?”
Appreciate something or someone in the moment. To appreciate something in the moment is a powerful conflict diffuser. You can appreciate yourself or your colleagues for staying in the situation during the conflict, or you can appreciate what IS going well. Ask “how can I appreciate this person right now?”
Seek out the innovative idea that no one has thought of rather than sticking to “this is the way”. Ask “what are new possibilities here?”
Be Compassionate! Most conflict is caused by behavioral patterns that WE ALL HAVE. Ask “how can I show more compassion in this moment?”
Consciously choose to harness creative life force energy. Lead a brainstorming session for 90 seconds about the issue at hand. Ask “what can we create from here?”
We are inviting you to REALLY step up your game here and consciously choose connection OVER conflict. Notice what happens for you as you have read this. We know that conflict does not help, so it’s time for a change in context.
Start shifting to connection and creativity and let us know what you discover.
If this lights you up I offer many more consciousness practices in my book Beyond Ego.